Scholarly reconstruction of a lost Dr. Seuss manuscript

Jonathan and Yoni (both of his multiple personalities) claim to have too much schoolwork, and are therefore unable to post today. Since I go to Yeshiva University, which has and will have off for most of this month, I am filling in for them.

However, since I am lazy, and it's not really my "turn," here's the final paper I turned in for a Modern Physics course taught by Dr. Gabriel Cwilich which I took in Fall 2004.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It is well known that Seuss had a PhD. What is not as well known is that his PhD was in physics. His renowned children’s classic, One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, was actually originally intended to introduce a few concepts of physics to children. Yet, Dr. Seuss’s publisher made some changes before publishing the final version. I managed to uncover an original manuscript, and I am glad to present a few pieces from Dr. Seuss’s magnificent work:

One Shift, Two Shift, Red Shift, Blue Shift
One shift, two shift, red shift, blue shift.
Black shift?! Blue shift! Old shift, new shift.
This one’s from a little star.
This one’s from a little far.
Say, what a lot of shifts there are.

Yes.
Some are red.
And some are blue.
Some are old.
And some are new.

Newton’s sad.
And Einstein’s glad.
And Einstein dressed in stripes and plaid!
Why are they sad and glad and plaid?
I do not know.
Go ask your dad.
Some are thin (those traveling fast).
And some are fat (those traveling slow).
The fat one has a yellow hat.
From there to here,
From here to there,
Funny physics things are everywhere.

Here are neutrinos who like to run.
They run for fun in the hot, hot sun.
Oh me! Oh my!
Oh me! Oh my!
What a lot of funny things go by.
Some have two peaks and some have four.
Some have six peaks and some have more.
Where do they come from?
Einstein wouldn’t say.
But I bet Schrödinger might shout “Hurray!”
We see some come up fast.
We see some move down slow.
Some are strange.
And some, charm, show.
Some at the top so high.
And some at the bottom, so low.
Not one of them is like another.
Don't ask us why.
Go ask your mother.

Say!
Look at his energies!
One, two, three ...
How many quanta do I see?
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
He has eleven!
Eleven!
This is something new.
I wish I had eleven too!
My Hat is old. (Big Bang)
My teeth are Au. (Various elements form)
I have a bird I like to hold. (Life on earth)
My shoe is off. (Half-life of radioactive shoes)
My foot is cold. (Sun runs out of energy)
My shoe is off. (Big Crunch… ↓)
My foot is cold.
I have a bird I like to hold.
My hat is old.
My teeth are gold.
And my story is all told.

I like to box.
How I like to box!
So, everyday, I box a Gox.
In yellow socks I box my Gox.
I box in yellow Gox box socks.
And in this box, the Gox accepts limited energy blocs.
Due to de Broglie wavelength locks.
Hop! Hop! Hop!
I am an energized ElectronYop.
All I like to do is hop from atomic radius top to atomic radius top.
I hop from left to right and then...
Hop! Hop!
I drop right back again.
I like to hop all day and night,
From right to left and left to right
Why do I like to hop, hop, hop?
I do not know.
Go ask Bohr’s pop.

Who am I?
My name is Ish.
On my hand I have a dish.
I have this dish to help me wish.
When I wish to make a wish.
I wave my hand with a big swish swish.
Then I say, “I wish for a fish!”
And I get (E=mc²) fish right on my dish.
So … if you wish to wish a wish,
You may swish for fish with my Ish wish dish

Did you ever fly a kite in bed (and calculate the forces acting on the kite)?
Did you ever walk with ten cats on your head (to show how balancing torques can create systems in equilibrium)?
Did you ever milk this kind of cow? (Clearly a metaphor for Modern Physics [see chapter one of S. Weinberg’s The First Three Minutes])
Well, we can do it.
We know how.
If you never did, you should.
Physics is fun
And fun is good.

And now good night.
It is time to sleep.
So we will sleep with our pet Zeep.
Today is gone.
Today was fun
Tomorrow is another one.
Every day, from here to there,
Funny physics things are everywhere!