Thursday, May 11, 2006

Danger! Paper Shredder!

We recently got a new paper shredder to shred all sorts of classified documents. But this is no ordinary paper shredder. It shreds paper, opens envelopes, and, I'm not kidding, sharpens pencils. This amazing device can shred five (5) sheets of paper at once, staples, and even credit cards! Alas, it can not shred CDs, paper clips, or, as you can clearly see in this picture, ties or hands:

In other news, my trusty computer of 8 years has finally bit the dust (but the hard drives were spared!). I am hoping, however, that a Windows re-install will bring it back from the dead.

UPDATE: I discovered that one of my RAM chips was on the blink, removed it, and IT'S ALIIIIIIVE!!!!


  1. If not, you can alwaays shred it.

  2. An envelope opener?! On a paper shredder?!? that's a really bright idea .... "Now let's just open this important government letter, dum de dum de dum ... oops!"

  3. They probably are requried by law to have the no tie thing there so they don't get sued when some guy leans over, gets his tie stuck and next thing you know he's sucked in and shredded.
    I was hoping they would specify the maximum number of ties you could/couldnt shred though.

  4. You think that's a paper shredder? I'll tell you about paper shredders, I was once working at one of my exciting high powered summer internships (this one was at the exterminator) where I was given the incredibly intellectually stimulating task of shredding all of the company's sensitive (and not so sensitive, okay really all) old documents. This job incidenally lasted about two weeks but in the course of which, I was introduced to the INDUSTRIAL paper shredder. I think it could do ten or twenty pages at a time and was, as one would expect, industrial sized, it fit over a regular sized outdoor garbage can. I do have to admit that the first day or so of shredding was really, really cool.

  5. Did you shred the RAM chip?

  6. Aryeh had to explain to me that the symbol on the far right was a CD. I was thinking, maybe bow tie? In case someone leaned in really close?

    Also, Eli should have consulted the user manual before posting this blog entry.
    Had he done so, he would have noted the 12 WARNINGs , the 10 Cautions, the separate Consumer Product Safety Alert insert, some more safety icons, and various other important information including:

    Warning 2. DO NOT place finger too close to feed slot as serious injury could occur.
    (I want to know, how close is “too close”? Really only one way to find out…)

    Warning 12. DO NOT use flammable synthetic oil, petroleum-based or aerosol products of any kind on shredder.
    (Sorry, but you will need to get a different type of shredder for this stuff)

    And the following with no number (maybe they couldn’t count past 12?) :
    DO NOT attempt to repair the shredder yourself.

    The cautions repeat all the same info as the WARNINGs, sometimes with a little more detail, in case you didn’t get it the first time.
    Ditto the special Consumer Product Safety Alert insert nicely illustrated with a picture of a cute little baby about to shred a piece of paper (and presumably some body part too).

    ( I cannot believe there was no warning about not using this product in the bath. Are they ever going to get sued now!)

    The pencil sharpener instructions include:
    Standard #2 type pencil recommended.
    Pull out pencil at the end of the sharpening cycle.

  7. Actually, the symbol on the right looks more like the radioactive symbol. We better tell the Iranians not to use this shredder to get rid of their nuclear material before the UN gets there. Why didn't Saddam think of it!

  8. I think my kids would prefer I get a shredder that does ties too.

    I wonder if that's the same problem I'm having with my PIII. About 2 years ago (around the same time Kovi installed Call of Duty) it started to crash after playing any game for more than 30 minutes. It's also running much slower than before. I reinstalled windows, then I upgraded to XP, then did a whole bunch of other things (replaced the video cards times 2) (the first one, a Geforce 2, blew), and no matter what it still dies after 30 minutes. But I can leave it on for days and if I don't run any games, it's fine.

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  10. This looks like an awesome shredder. Adding a pencil sharpner is also neat. I like the shredder.

  11. Wow ... that's some machine.

    Like one of the previous comments though, I'm not so sure about the idea of having letter opener right there next to the shredder opening!

  12. This is a great shredder lol, all you need is a staple & pen holder and its an all-in-one office :) The letter opener must be great for quickly dealing with post. open... spam... shred...

  13. Paper shredders are good home and office investments. More than keeping your home free from paper clutter, a paper shredder destroys important information that others might use for their own benefit. It is a good thing that you were able to find a multi-purpose shredder which can do more than just one task. That would save you space and money, since you do not have to buy multiple equipment.

  14. The only thing I wanna say about paper shredder, use it according to its purpose because we all know that equipment is to keep the secrets of every papers.

  15. Hello, I wonder if this RAM chips has been placed on shredder. Probably it can make dull the shredding blade as chips are made of silicon and metal.