Sunday, August 24, 2008

Chronic Splam from Tracy Wilkinson

I have a number of emails from this lady because she thinks I'm Lynne Fung, as I have preveously mentioned on the blog about Splam, or unintended e-mails. I thought it was over (there are only 14 adresses on the whole list) but in response to yet another email I hit-reply all with the following email:

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Jonathan Lansey
Date: August 22, 2008
Subject: Fwd:
please help JFS with this!

Hello All of Mrs. Wilkinson's Friends!
In celebration of nearly a year on this wonderful mailing list unintentionally masquerading as Lynne Fung, I would like to make public my historical correspondence with the organizational mastermind that is the great Tracy Wilkinson!

The first email I got way back in Dec 2007
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Tracy Wilkinson <___>
Date: Dec 7, 2007 8:33 PM
Subject: Holiday Gift for Mrs. Hellarud

I ignored it with the hope that it would go away. After two more emails:
(Gift for Mrs. Hellerud and Play Date and a gift for Mrs. Hellerud) I politely responded. Please read my message below.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Jonathan Lansey <___>
Date: Dec 16, 2007 6:06 PM
Subject: Re: A Gift for Mrs. Hellerud

Dear Tracy,
That sounds really great, a gift for Mrs. Hellerud and her husband- but there is only one problem- I don't know Mrs. Hellerud and I don't know her husband.
Who are they? and how, perhaps through some wierd twist of fate, how have I come to be on the short mailing list for their gifts?
I hope to hear from you soon,
Happy Holidays,
PS: Parenthood is quite a few years away, I am 22 years old at the moment

She responded quite quickly the next day:

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Tracy Wilkinson <___>
Date: Dec 17, 2007 2:25 AM
Subject: RE: A Gift for Mrs. Hellerud
To: Jonathan Lansey <

Oh how funny. I have you on my list as Lynne. I guess this the list is wrong! LOL
So sorry. I will remove you. Yes all these pleasures you have to come!!

Ah yes, "how funny" Laughing Out Loud over this strange confusion!
jlansey is just too close to jlausejo to tell the difference, ha ha. Alas, I thought the list was fixed and all the pleasures of annoying emails would be put on hold until I procure some children ;)

But the emails did not stop, I recieved yet another email last Febuary

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Tracy Wilkinson <___>
Date: Feb 3, 2008 10:07 PM
Subject: Still need a docent
___ . . . . .

Tracy still needs a docent for the Art Attack Program- an issue that "directly pertains to the class" which means that its relevance to my life is . . . . not very great. Amazed at my re-appearence on the list (almost had an Art Attack) I kindly requested to be taken off again.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Lansey <___>
Date: Feb 4, 2008 3:20 AM

hey, it would be cool if could actually be taken off the list,

I recieved no response to this email, and assumed the matter finished . . . until the end of May when I found yet another one floating in my inbox about "Kinder Teacehr Time"

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Tracy Wilkinson <>
Date: May 21, 2008 8:25 PM
Subject: Kinder teacehr Time
___ . . . .

Hello all,
Are any of you interested in the following Teacher Time? There is one space left for Mrs. Hellerud. This minimum bid for each teacher time is $25.00. Please let me know ASAP so we can let the teachers know who to expect on the outing. Also let me know if you know any parents from the other classes.

Teacher Time – Day at the Park Value Priceless

Join Mrs. Beier, Mrs. Hellerud, Mrs. Acosta and Mr. Althof for a fun filled day at Fowler Creek Park! We'll play parachute games, blow bubbles and enjoy the park's playground. We will supply a yummy afternoon snack. Only two lucky JFS students per class may attend. Parents will drive their children to and from Fowler Creek Park.

Date: Wednesday May 28th from 3:30 p.m. to 5:00 p.m.

I thought Tracy might not have had the motivation to take me off the list- and so I hit the notorious "Reply to all" button and requested help from the public:

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Jonathan Lansey <___>

Dear All,
I would like everyone to please help me encourage Tracy W. to take my email address off of this mailing list. Last February I kindly requested that this be done (see the forward of my very polite message bellow), but apparently I am still on the list. Not that I am uninterested in blowing bubbles, parachuting into Fowler Creek Park's playground and Yummy afternoon snacks- rather I would much prefer to partake in these activities with people of my own age group and preferably with people in my own time zone.
I will give a very yummy treat to the first person to approach Mrs. Wilkinson about this.
Thanks for you help!

She replied once more

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Tracy Wilkinson <>

Gosh darn it not again! I thought this got fixed already. So sorry.

Yes, I thought you had it fixed too . . . in fact I even believed you might finally take me off for real this time. But no, this email to which I am replying, is dated August 21 2008, I am even a year older now, moving on to graduate school but somehow I am still on your kindergarden's mailing list. I do not fundraise for my tuition, ask you for christmas presents or invite you to my friends events on the east coast. Please I ask of you to do whatever it takes to take me off your mailing list. One suggestion, since there are only 14 names on the list, just take a look at the list before sending your next email to make sure I'm not on there.

All the best!


  1. You think that's bad? American Express got confused between me and Elizabeth A. Lanese. They were supposed to run a credit check on me, but got confused because Elizabeth Lanese is almost the same as Eli Lansey - even though we have completely different social security numbers, etc.

  2. Oh, Yoni! Didn't "FRED" ever tell you. You're supposed to get Stacey W.'s mail. "Lynne Fung" is just your cover. Just sit tight and play along. And when Tracey makes her move, pass it along to "TOM" immediately. You can find him disguised as a greeter at W**l-M**t. Your country is counting on you, Soldier. Good Luck.

    PS: Make sure you print out this comment, memorize it, and eat it. We cannot risk clandestine information falling into enemy hands.