Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Of Seagulls, Parking Lots, and Natural Selection

To make up for the fact that last week I morphed into a small brown tuber very high in starches (Couchis Potatoist), I am now going to tell you something that might actually be educational (not certified by the Board of What's Educational or Not of The USA, Subcommittee MOR Mantelcommittee ONIC, as containing anything which in any way possibly cause the slowing down of the rotting of your brain). While driving around in an undisclosed location (Parking lot #BLUE 35 blue 35 hut hut hike) I was watching a seagull (specimen #987,384,244.275) flying around and I noticed that the color of the top of its wings where an almost total black while the bottom of the wing where white. This is evidence of the natural selection by survival of the fittest process forced into a blender than consumed by a human and well you can guess where it goes after that. I say this because the evil lamppost monsters ate the ancient seagulls of parking lots until only the ones that camouflaged on both the top and the bottom where able to survive and reproduce. This is how humans destroyed the natural process of selection. Because of this I feel that we must come up with a new theory, (which is mine, which is to say it belongs to me, such that I came up with it, natural selection is thin at one end thick in the middle and thin at the other end) which I will call THE PROCESS OF UNNATURAL SELECTION BY HAVING FUN WITH A MICROWAVE, TOASTER OR OTHER KITCHEN APPLIANCE.

And of course I have to wish my parents a very happy anniversary.

1 comment:

  1. hmmm....so you are saying that the "Darwin Awards" can be influenced by people using Microwave Ovens???

    I always knew there was a government conspiracy to alter the universe by having us people use Microwave Ovens!!

    The swamp creatures thank you for this timely information.